Dear John(s)

It takes a strong man to be with me. I’m one hell of a woman- hell is just one of the services I offer.  

I have been told on more than one occasion that I am impossible to please. Except just recently, I decided not to put it down to the fact that men do have smaller brains than us. (Fact.) 

Maybe X has a point (of course he does! It’s at the end of the dagger he placed neatly in my chest cavity). Maybe X is reading my blog right now. 

When he broke up with me, X succinctly said that he “couldn’t be bothered anymore”, he needed to get away from me in order “to grow up”, and that I just wasn’t what he wanted. He never said he may have made a mistake, that perhaps he could’ve tried fixing it trying something, I don’t know, NEW, or acknowledged that for some parts of our relationship he was a knobstacle. No matter, I would like to quieten my male critics and acknowledge some of my wrongdoings.

 1)     I shouldn’t have sweated the small stuff. It really wasn’t a big deal that he left the front door unlocked while we went grocery shopping, or that he forgot to pay the bills that one time, or that he knowingly killed a pigeon.

2)     I should’ve told him he was sexy more often. I guess showing him how ridonkulously attracted I was to him, several times a week may have gone unnoticed.

3)     I should’ve been less irritable. Thinking long-term future is sometimes a very inconvenient thing for a creative, happy-go-lucky man.

4)     I should’ve thrown away those high-waisted jeans he hated.

5)     I should’ve laughed more at his jokes instead of watching the stove in case his deep-fried Mars bars caught fire.

6)     I should’ve avoided alcohol during domestic disputes. Oh, and crockery. And bottles of water lying around. Matches too…

7)     I should’ve accepted that for him, telling him how I loved him enough to marry him tomorrow wasn’t flattering, it was fucking terrifying.

8)     I shouldn’t have been so suspicious. It isn’t an excuse, but it’s not every day you fall in love with a Rock Star.

There.

Never let it be said that I wasn’t honest. Opinionated, feisty and intense. But never dishonest.

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