White lies…

In early prophesising, I declared superior knowledge of “how you know a boy loves you”. (Yes, sometimes giving you his last Rolo is simply not enough.) And so now you find he’s beginning to grow on you quite nicely too…

Of course, as a general rule of thumb, especially in the initial stages (“best foot forward, butt-sniffing stage, still wearing my sexy undies”), honesty is best.

Things are moving along rather swimmingly with your New Man- you’ve established that he isn’t just a rebounder, or that he doesn’t wear women’s clothing part-time, you have common interests (who’d have thunk it! A man who appreciates 80’s music as much as you!), you live in the same country, he’s met your parents and vice versa, and he doesn’t wear stokies around the house.

Certain topics begin to creep into everyday conversation. You teeter on ‘serious relationship’ territory. It feels kinda… nice. Then, he starts becoming curious about exactly how much you spend on shoes, why your friend Trixy only wears her wedding ring half of the time, and why you have several folders on your PC containing pictures of the same damn rock star. The answers are pretty straight-forward (enough to buy a mansion in Llandudno; she’s cheating; and you have a childish crush even though you’re at child-bearing age).

Technically, there is no real limit to how much you can share with your NM, but there are some things that, I humbly advise, should remain secret. A female has her own skeletons she should keep hidden in her closet (um, if there’s space).

Relax. It’s all for the best.

You’re probably proud of your string of glorious ex-boyfriends. I am. (Except for that one cretin who broke into my Mom’s house to leave me 101 Post-It’s saying: “I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU” after knowing him a month) It’s one thing to brag to your bestie about to what degree your ex was an amazzzzzzing kisser, etc etc. But even if NM asks, he actually REALLY doesn’t want to know. Not about your best kiss, best date, unrequited love, or accidental nipple-flash to a rock star on the Oasis Australian Tour. I pinkie-swear.

Your finances are exactly that- yours. For now, at least. If you end up taking that wild leap of faith, one day you may want to share a bank account. Until now, it’s absolutely OK if he knows your approximate salary, and a few of your monthly bills, but he doesn’t need to know that Aldo has you on speed-dial for whenever a new shoe waltzes into store with your name on it.

Your parents, sister, best Girlfriend and best Gayfriend are on your Board of Directors. Naturally, this means that they know that he cried when you threatened to break up with him. Guys do not understand the need for you to divulge his embarrassing moments to your nearest and dearest, especially if you’d have his balls for breakfast for showing his best mate that pic of you with a trail toilet paper stuck on your shoe for 2kms.

Every woman has her weaknesses. And I don’t mean chocolate and Louboutins. (Well, not in this instance, anyway). It could be the sight of that moth with the 1m wide wingspan, or the noise in the ceiling that sounds freakily similar to a mongoose with a chainsaw. I personally don’t like being a damsel in distress in need of a knight in shining armour. Stay tough. Freaking out and checking if a bat is in your hair is something you should do when no-one else is around.

As my ex will attest, I keep Dis-Chem and Clicks in business. I spend a horrendous amount there every month. But what exactly I do with that array of strange potions and thingamagodies is not for my NM to know. He’s supposed to think I wake up perpetually smooth and spot-free every day of my life. 

It’s expected that couples share all the dirty little secrets about their friends. What you tell one person in a couple, you are really telling both. This is a bad idea as far as your friends are concerned, especially those you hang out with on a regular basis. Do you think NM will be cool with you grabbing drinks with your chum who is cheating on her husband? Do you think he’ll tell you to have fun on a weekend trip with a bunch of friends who include that dude you fooled around with in the broom cupboard that one very inebriated time? Don’t let him examine the skeletons in your friends’ closets. It will just cause NM to not like them, not trust them, and will make hanging out with them an impossible task.

12 Responses to “White lies…”

  1. thefinsburyparkdeltics Says:

    Thank you for allowing me to partially peer through the cracked door into the female mind.

    That ‘getting to know you’ feeling – being relaxed enough to slowly start bringing down the barriers, where you don’t have to consciously pre-plan what to say (and enjoying the resultant inner glow) – does that become an end in itself? Are we addicted to THAT, as opposed to the long haul? A bit of a cliche, but are we in love with being in love?

    And is there a general understanding that NM may have skeletons in his cupboard too?

    • You’re most welcome ;0P

      You’ve inspired my next article! I think all interactions after entering into any relationship with a member of the opposite sex can be likened to one big cushioned obstacle course, where the landscape keeps changing, and every end has another start.

      All people have skeletons in their closets. I like to drag mine out and invite them for cocktails occassionally.

      • thefinsburyparkdeltics Says:

        And some landings are harder than others.

        Skeletons are great guests aren’t they? And more turn up to my table each time. Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear.

  2. We should have a skeleton cocktail party and then write about it afterwards.

    • thefinsburyparkdeltics Says:

      You’d have to bring a mop and bucket. And what do skeltons have in THEIR closets?

      Some men are not immune to all this, and are every bit as analytical I think. Not many, but some.

  3. Sometimes i drop to my knees and praise (god-damn) that i am male and thus, immune to all of this 🙂

    • *sigh* And then, 1 hour later, you just wish, pray, beseech Perseus for that one woman who will make you crazy-in-love enough to cook a 3 course lamb roast meal for, with all the trimmings?

      Don’t hate me because I’m right.

  4. yeah, like a Blister (by Sweetness Herself, model: snow_white_wash), lanced by Sofia, epiphany incarnate… The taste ( a little like rosemary, roast taters and wisdom) will set you free… weee

  5. My daughter was full of joy when reading one paragraph on your post “… of the same damn rock star. The answers are pretty straight-forward (enough to buy a mansion in Llandudno she’s …” it gets me to feel more intelligent after understanding it.

  6. Your title “white lies&#8230 the things we think but da…” is well composed and I can tell that you are very bright.

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