Stalker branches Out…

“No-one? I DON’T BELIEVE. You don’t fancy ANYone????”

 

Eeeeish. This girlfriend won’t give up without a fight.

 

No “oh no-one special” nonchalant shrugs. She wants the juicy goss.

So I risk it. The pathetic, gory truth.

“Well. YOU CAN’T TELL ANYONE……” I look around my living room, expecting a paparazzo…

“I have liked the same person FOREVER”.

Girlfriend shuffles to the edge of her seat. “Yessssssss??”

“Well we met in a very strange way. Well, not ‘met’. We haven’t met. I kinda… well… he’s friends of friends. He kept writing these hilarious posts on a friends’ wall. So I looked on his Facebook profile. Not only is he bearded, but he’s gorgeous. And funny. And ironic. He’s kinda a nerd. Which I love. He’s well travelled. And has a great job. Which he loves. And he wears Adidas Samba’s.. you know, the limited edition ones from 1986.

Turns out he works 5mins from my place. And his favourite restaurant is just around the corner here. He loves Bukowski and Palahniuk. He put a rating on Dark Shadows on Amazon.com.

He’s not a vegan and he’s never had children or been married. He was brought up in a small suburb and has a brother who lives overseas, he’s still friends with all his high school buddies and he hates hipsters. I suppose Sagittarians are a bit like that, hey?

He also belongs to a whisky appreciation club and supports local musicians. He went to that Stevenson exhibition last week, you know?? The lank cultured one…”

I look up at my girlfriend.

She says “Wow. Guess he didn’t read the Facebook Privacy settings memo.”

 

 

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