Deservability Complex…

Just another typical girls night. Just another debrief with a fellow Monkey about life, love and shoes.

Conversation turns to some of our girlfriends, the ones who got sidetracked on the Love Highway with some, well, accidents.

We all have a right to make mistakes. Yes, some are bigger than others. And some keep repeating themselves like a bad steak and kidney pie.

Sea Monkey and I (aka Tree-swinging Monkey) made all our mistakes before we turned 30. Thank F?@*?!

We may be wiser, or we may be exhausted, can’t be certain.

We have a few girls in our Troupe who seriously need to stop mistaking. We’re talking men who can’t commit, infidelity, general douchebaggery and even abuse.

We have a friend whose situation is chronic. However, we can’t do a single thing. We’re well-versed in trying though. “I wish I could just kidnap her and cut off all her contact with him!!” Sea Monkey shrieks, grabbing her hair like a woman possessed. If I had a dollar for every time we said or thought this, I’d have a Bentley. My own private island, perhaps.

Why is it that we can’t get through to our friends who are apparently quite similar to us in most ways, excepting the addiction to heartache and drama?

I’ve thought about this extensively. For years, I’ve resigned it off as a type of addiction- like being an alcoholic or chain smoker. Everyone knows these habits will kill you, and yet we continue to be enslaved with a shrug and a defeated ‘I’ll give up someday’.

What makes a beautiful, intelligent woman (ANY woman, in fact) choose an unpleasant and addicted reality, a relationship fraught with stress, every day?

The common denominator in many of these friends is that they haven’t experienced real love, love without fear of reprisal, be that a father figure who exemplifies chivalry and love and affection for his daughters, or the love from a partner who would never hurt you on purpose and cares about you even if the relationship doesn’t work out; a relationship based on respect and equality.

This further proves to disprove my ‘misanderist’ charge. It’s taken great loves to know that I don’t need to be settling, and that love can be difficult, but not supposed to kill you.

You get what you settle for, and you receive the love you believe you deserve.

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